Want

When I wrote “Want” as a poem, it was seven stanzas long, but it wasn’t very good.

What I did have in my head, however, was the exact painting I wanted to paint to go with it, even if the poem was a bit raw and unfinished. 

So to set up the scene I’d paint, I went out to Goodwill and somehow found the blue mug I had in my mind, and after going to quite a few thrift shops, luckily ended up with the perfect vintage ashtray I pictured. (The book in the painting is an Elmore Leonard novel, minus the hardcover wrap.)

For some reason, I still have the pack of cigarettes. There are eighteen left inside after burning the two I used for the painting, if you know anyone who’d like them.

After a few months of going back and forth writing “Want” as a poem, I decided the painting that came from it was better than the poem itself. So I scrapped the poem. 

I did, however, save two stanzas from it that I think say most of what I wanted:

Old toys still packed in boxes
Framed pictures on the walls
The calendar’s two months behind
A dog to top them all

The dreams I had when I was young
My words tucked in a drawer
One day they’ll all be memories
But for now, I’m making more